It’s been over 2,500 years since Lao Tzu was around. His wisdom definitely stands the test of time, none more so than the 5 types of love.

The first 3 are ‘pathological contradictions’ of Love.

The last 2 are healthy expressions of it.

 

Possessive Love:

                

‘THAT IS, LOVING AN OBJECT BECAUSE WE ARE CAPABLE OF POSSESSING IT, OR AT LEAST BELIEVING WE POSSESS IT’

 

In the Tao they say that this is the lowest form of love, so much so it’s not really love at all. It’s the eternal quest for ‘things’ that we ‘must’ have. Be it money, material possessions or a partner. It’s the objectifying of people and things, think the Male chauvinist. This type of ‘love’ turns the pure, selfless act into a selfish and manipulative feeding of the ego.

 

We see this in the example of a Man and his ‘trophy wife’. He buys her things and says he loves her, but she’s merely a possession to him. Another sign of so-called ‘success’.

 

Codependent Love:

 

‘THIS IS ROOTED IN THE EXPERIENCE OF POWERLESSNESS AND EXPRESSES ITSELF AS AN ADDICTION TO CONTROL OR BEING CONTROLLED’

 

These relationships are far too common today. Think of the male who needs to control and know everything about his partner - where she is, where she’s going, where she’s been, who she sees, he checks her phone to see who she’s been messaging, he verbally abuses her and all her happiness and enjoyment must revolve around him. It's possessive. 

Then from her side, she stays in the relationship because she’s become addicted to being controlled. She fears what will happen if she ever left, so she puts up with it.

 

It’s hard to see when she’s in it, but once she gets the courage to leave then we always hear “what was I thinking? Why did I stay so long?”

 

This is also a contradiction of love, but on a lesser level than the first, possessive type of love.

 

Romantic Love:

 

‘IT IS GENERALLY AN UNCONSCIOUS ESCAPIST ATTEMPT TO COMPENSATE FOR THE ABSENCE OF SELF-APPRECIATION'

 

This is the search for that ‘perfect’ mate. The one that will make everything ok in our world and make us ‘complete’.

These are two ridiculous notions. First, we’ll find someone who fits that ‘perfect’ image we’ve made up in our heads. And second, that we need someone to complete us.

 

We’re all perfect just the way we are. That imagined person in our head doesn’t exist so we’re just chasing a unicorn and trying to change people.

 

We’re already complete, just the way we are. So once we realise that we should set out to find someone that has also realised that they’re complete.

Then two complete people can come together and share their experiences of life. Not because they need that other person, but because they enjoy each other.

 

This is also a contradiction of love as it drives a wedge between the essential self and the imagined deficient self.